by Guest Author James Parsons and Virginia Colin (mostly James Parsons)
Parenting a teen is hard enough, but if you’re a father, the thought of your daughter hitting puberty can be very unsettling. Makeup and clothes might not be you’re forté, but there are plenty of other things she needs advice about. Before you know it, she’ll be off to college, traveling during a gap year, or working her first real job. While she will learn and grow on her own, it’s up to you to plant the seeds that will help her grow into the woman she will become. You have a few more years — don’t waste them.
1. Beauty Is On the Inside — and the Outside
Being good, loving and thoughtful are important lessons that you must teach your daughter, preferably by leading by example. However, a father should also tell his daughter that she’s pretty. Use a variety of compliments that focus on both inward and outward appearance, you’ll teach your daughter to value her wits while preventing her from judging others on looks alone.
2. How to Throw a Curve Ball
Don’t be sad that you’ll never get the chance to play sports or roll in the mud because you had a baby girl. Long before she is a teen, let her play in the mud and get dirty just like the boys. Later teach her how to pitch, catch, handle a soccer ball, play tennis, or participate in any other sport you enjoy. It’s good exercise, it boosts confidence, and it’s a way that you can grow a strong bond without reinforcing gender stereotypes.
3. She Deserves Healthy Relationships
Too often, a young woman accepts unhealthy relationships because that’s how she sees Dad treat Mom or vice versa. If you are absent or oppressive, your little girl might wind up marrying a man just like you. Respect her mother and the other women in your life so that your daughter demands nothing less in hers.
4. Assertive Is OK
Stereotypes say that your daughter shouldn’t stand up for herself or her beliefs. It’s your job to teach her otherwise. Explain the difference between being aggressive and being assertive. One is uncalled for, while the other can help her advance in all areas of her life, including her career. Allow your daughter to express assertiveness with you. It will be good practice for doing the same with with future dates, friends, and co-workers. Compliment her for asserting herself in positive ways.
5. Be an Independent Woman
Long before pop crooners sang about this concept, good fathers were teaching their daughters the same thing. You may struggle with the desire to shield your daughter from the big, bad world, but this could do her a disservice. It’s a bad idea to bail her out every time she runs into a crisis. Whether it’s credit card debt or bad time management, she needs to recognize you’re there to help, encourage and love her — not rescue her from every bad choice. Doing this teaches her the reality of consequences, a lesson she’ll thank you for teaching her in the long run.
6. Can She Fix It? Yes, She Can!
Teach your daughter how to fix a leaky sink or change the oil in her car. This helps boost her independence and confidence, while shedding stereotypes. If she can switch her own tires and kill her own bugs, it teaches her independence and self sufficiency. This can transfer over to other areas of her life, such as fixing problems at work or in relationships.
7. Stay Safe Online
The Internet presents dangers that didn’t exist before, but your teen might not see them because she’s so excited to talk to her crush or learn new things. It’s easy to post something online thinking it’s anonymous or private. It’s not. Teach her to be appropriately skeptical about things she reads on the internet and cautious about people she “meets” on the internet. Teach your daughter to keep her personal data and her computer safe. You may want to introduce her to services like identity protection services from LifeLock, which monitor online information and protect against credit card fraud and identity theft.
8. Know How To Say No
This ties in with assertiveness, but it’s about more than that. Your little girl won’t always be able to please everyone. Teach her to say “No,” even if that may mean saying no to you in the future. This teaches her to stand up for herself and also to respect others’ boundaries. You can’t make all her choices for her, but you can help her learn how to make good choices for a happy, healthy life.
Guest Author James Parsons is a dad first and a mobile app developer second. He considers himself an expert in small business trends, mobile technology and basketball.
Virginia L Colin, Ph.D., is a Professional Family Mediator certified by the Supreme Court of Virginia. She is not an attorney or a therapist.
