Sadly, most couples who separate remain separated and eventually divorce. Sometimes, though, some time away from each other, with counseling during the separation, helps them find ways to heal and strengthen their relationship. While they are unsure about whether reuniting will work, they can develop a written agreement about (a) how they are going to treat each other during the period of separation and (b) what each will do to contribute to making their relationship loving and respectful. The agreement that is primarily a plan for reconciliation can also say what the terms of their continuing or renewed separation will be if reuniting does not work out.
A Healing Separation Guide is available from a counseling center in Denver. You can use it as a basis for planning your separation. It includes planning how long you will live separately before you reassess, how and how often you will spend time together while living apart from each other, whether and how often each of you will attend individual, marital, or other counseling, whether you will focus on developing support networks of friends, whether you will remain emotionally and sexually monogamous during your separation, who will stay in the family home, how you will handle finances, and how you will handle custody and visitation during your separation.
Generally a couple who can negotiate all of the above without any professional support is a couple who do not need to separate. If one or both of you are pretty sure that you do need to separate for a while, then you can work with a marriage counselor, a family mediator, or a cleric to make decisions about how you will use your time apart to heal and strengthen your relationship.
In short, couples who hope to turn a distant, strained, or distressed relationship around can benefit from putting a Healing Separation Agreement into writing and signing it.
