Understanding Separate Lives and Divorce
Introduction
Many couples face the difficult decision of whether to live separately or proceed with divorce when their marriage encounters challenges. Understanding the differences and consequences between living separate lives and pursuing a legal divorce is crucial for making informed decisions about your future, finances, family, and immigration status.
What Does Living Separate Lives Mean?
Living separate lives typically refers to a situation where spouses remain legally married but no longer share a marital relationship. They may live in different homes, manage their finances independently, and generally lead separate day-to-day lives. This arrangement can be informal, formalized through a formal separation agreement or formalized with a post-nuptial agreement, depending on the couple’s preferences. Separation agreements and post-nuptial agreements can be developed through the mediation process.
Reasons Couples Choose to Live Separately
- Time for Reflection: Couples may want space to consider the future of their relationship without making an immediate decision about divorce.
- Financial Considerations: Some couples remain legally married for health insurance, tax benefits, or other financial reasons.
- Religious or Personal Beliefs: Certain personal or religious convictions may discourage divorce, making separation a preferred option.
- Children: Some believe that remaining legally married but living apart may provide more stability for their children.
- Immigration Status: Depending on the type of immigration visa, the immigration status of a worker’s family can be lost upon divorce rendering the ex-spouse unable to legally reside or work in the United States.
What Is Divorce?
Divorce is the legal dissolution of a marriage by a court or other competent body. It formally ends the marital relationship, dividing assets, establishing custody arrangements for children, and determining financial obligations such as alimony or child support. After a divorce, both parties are free to remarry.
Key Differences Between Living Separately and Divorce
| Aspect | Living Separately | Divorce |
| Legal Status | Still legally married | Legally single |
| Financial Ties | May remain connected; however, such ties can be addressed in separation agreements and in post-nuptial agreements. (e.g., taxes, debts) | Typically separated by court order |
| Right to Remarry | No | Yes |
| Inheritance Rights | Often remain intact however, such rights can be addressed or waived in separation agreements and in post-nuptial agreements. | Usually terminated |
| Decision Process | Often private or mediated | May be mediated or through legal proceedings in court |
Legal Separation vs. Informal Separation
Informal separation is when spouses agree to live apart without involving the courts. This arrangement may lack enforceable agreements on finances, property, child support and child parenting arrangements. In contrast, legal separation involves a formal agreement, be it a separation agreement or post-nuptial agreement, outlining the rights and responsibilities of each spouse while they remain married. The details in the agreements can be developed through mediation which offers the parties significant flexibilities in specifying terms that meet their specific circumstances. Since no two couples are the same with the same needs and considerations, these agreements are exceptionally customizable to meet the parties needs. When developed through mediation, costs are low and the parties can proceed at their own pace.
Considerations Before Making a Decision
- Emotional Readiness: Consider whether you are prepared for the emotional impacts of living separately or divorcing.
- Financial Implications: Understand how separation or divorce will affect your finances, insurance, and property. Important areas that can be affected are Social Security benefits, pensions, taxes, and spousal support. Divorce agreements typically resolve these matters. That being said, separation agreements and post-nuptial agreements can resolve the matters to the couple’s satisfaction. With any option, mediators typically encourage the parties to consult with financial planners.
- Child Custody and Support: Think about arrangements for your children, including custody, visitation, and support. Arrangements for you children can be addressed and, in fact, are usually addressed in divorce agreements, separation agreements, and in post-nuptial agreements.
- Immigration Status: Divorce can have significant unintentional consequences on spouses’ immigration status resulting on one spouse being unable to reside or work in the United States. This can have devastating effects on children and the ability to co- parent children. Immigration status is typically not affected if the parties decide to live separately but remain married. If immigration status is a concern, parties should consult with an immigration attorney.
- Legal Advice: Consult with a mediator or family law attorney to learn about your options.
Conclusion
Living separate lives and pursuing a divorce are two distinct options for couples experiencing marital difficulties. Each path has unique legal, emotional, and financial consequences which can be addressed through mediation. Couples should carefully consider the circumstances, goals, and the well-being of everyone involved before making a decision. Professional guidance from legal and mental health professionals can provide valuable support during this challenging time.
Call us today or schedule a free consultation and learn more about how our services can help you.
Rick Schapira is a mediator at Colin Family Mediation Group and is an avid writer for The CFMG Blog.
