The Top 7 Myths about Family Mediation in Virginia Debunked
As a family mediator in Northern Virginia, I have spoken to hundreds, if not thousands of people throughout Virginia about family mediation. During these conversations, I started identifying a list of common misconceptions about family mediation (or divorce mediation). Part of our role as family mediators is to educate our clients about what is fact and what is fiction when it comes to mediation. With a clearer understanding about what mediation is and is not, clients are able to make fully informed decisions about whether mediation is the right process for them.
- Family Mediation is Just for Divorce Cases
Myth: Family Mediation is just for divorce matters or financial negotiations with couples who are separating or divorcing.
Truth: Family mediation is a very effective process helping parties going through a separation and facing divorce to negotiate fair settlements and reach agreements concerning their assets and finances. The truth is that mediation is a very effective process for addressing other family matters such as child custody, parenting plans and schedules, co-parenting and communication, modifications to custody, parenting and support, child support, and spousal support
- Family Mediation is Just for Cases Filed with the Court
Myth: Family Mediation is just for cases already filed with the court or that will be filed with the court. In other words, mediation is for court matters.
Truth: The truth is that family mediation is also incredibly effective for addressing other family matters that are not and will not become a court matter. Family mediators work with family members in many other capacities as well to improve their communication, to help with relationship dynamics that are not working, and to facilitate resolution of family matters that are not necessarily legal in nature. For example, we receive calls with some degree of frequency regarding situations where adult siblings are struggling to agree on how to approach care for their aging parents. This is particularly when one or both parents are already experiencing health issues approaching a critical point and decisions must be made. Additionally, Family Mediation is helpful in bringing much needed emotional closure, provides a safe and confidential place to apologize to a family member, and is very helpful addressing other emotional issues, allowing for personal healing and moving forward. The confidentiality of the process lends itself to resolution of both substantive and relational issues.
- Family Mediation Will Not Work in High Conflict Cases
Myth: Family Mediation will not be helpful in high conflict cases and only works when people get along.
Truth: Many mediation cases involve a high level of conflict or emotions. The mediation process is designed for cases where there is conflict and parties are struggling to resolve their disputes. Our mediators at Colin Family Mediation Group are all attorneys and are all mediators certified by the Supreme Court of Virginia. An experienced family mediator knows how to reduce conflict in mediation and has many tools to help parties reach agreements even when there is a high level of conflict and emotion. Mediation is a very successful process for high conflict cases.
- The Mediator Decides Who is Right and Determines the Outcome
Myth: Our Mediator will pick a side or tell us what to do.
Truth: In Virginia, Mediators are neutral and ethically are prohibited from taking sides. Additionally, parties at all times have self-determination, meaning they make the decisions. Mediators are in charge of the process and the parties are in charge of the outcome. Mediators are not allowed to tell the parties what they should do. It is permissive, however, if they are truly stuck, to offer some options that have worked for other parties that they too may wish to consider and discuss. Still, the decision belongs to the parties. Finally, as a family mediator, it is our job to make sure each party has a voice in mediation and to help the parties understand each other better. This allows the parties to come to their own agreements.
- Family Mediation Means Parties Will Give Up Their Legal Rights
Myth: I will give up my legal rights if I reach an agreement in mediation.
Truth: Mediation is a voluntary process and also one based upon transparency, full disclosure of information needed to make informed decisions, and good faith by the parties. Additionally, at Colin Family Mediation, we encourage our clients to have their agreement reviewed by a family attorney before signing it. It is simply just a process parties have agreed upon to help them resolve their disputes and to reach an agreement.
- All Family Mediators in Virginia are the Same
Myth: It does not matter who I choose to be our family mediator. They are all basically the same.
Truth: In Virginia, to handle private mediations you do not need to be certified by the Supreme Court of Virginia. Certification is only required if the mediator is accepting court- referred cases. This is significant because the certification process requires specific coursework as well as working with mentor mediators to co-mediate real cases and be evaluated by the mentor mediator. Additionally, once the mediator has become certified, a mediator is required in Virginia to complete continuing education hours to maintain his or her certification. Just about anyone can call themselves a mediator in Virginia, so it is important to know if the mediator is a certified mediator. Also, in finding a good family mediator, you will want to ask if the mediator maintains professional liability insurance. It is also very helpful if the mediator has a legal background particularly in family law. Even though your mediator is not acting as an attorney and is strictly neutral, having this wealth of knowledge and experience is very helpful. At Colin Family Mediation, we are all certified by the Virginia Supreme Court, have professional liability insurance, and are all attorneys.
- Family Mediators Can File the Divorce for Parties in Virginia
Myth: If I work with a mediator to reach an agreement, that mediator can also file our divorce papers with the Court.
Truth: In Virginia, it is unethical for the mediator to also serve as the lawyer and file divorce papers even if the mediator is an attorney. At Colin Family Mediation, we will work with our clients to provide referrals to good, mediation-friendly lawyers who will review your mediated agreement and complete the divorce process for you. We work with our clients to help the process be seamless and uncomplicated.
At Colin Family Mediation, we offer free consultations for both parties both virtually and by phone. This is a great way to learn more about family mediation in Virginia, gain a clear understanding of what family mediation is, what it is not, and why it matters. We are always happy to answer your questions.
If you are facing family conflict, consider divorce mediation. It’s a more cost-effective, less stressful, and more collaborative approach that can help you achieve a positive resolution for your family.
Call us today or schedule a free consultation and learn more about how our services can help you.
Lucy Nichols is a mediator at Colin Family Mediation Group and is an avid writer for The CFMG Blog.
