Is Mediation Right for My Divorce?
Deciding whether divorce mediation is right for you depends on your specific circumstances, the nature of your relationship with your spouse, and the complexity of your divorce. In the large majority of situations, mediation has much to offer over going to the courts.
Mediation is a voluntary, confidential process where a neutral third party, the mediator, helps you and your spouse negotiate a mutually agreeable settlement. It is often an alternative to traditional, court-based litigation.
Potential Benefits of Mediation
Many couples find mediation beneficial because it focuses on cooperation rather than confrontation in order to fashion arrangements that will work best for the children and parents as they move forward with separate lives.
Cost-Effectiveness
Mediation is generally significantly less expensive than traditional litigation because it avoids extensive discovery processes, multiple court appearances, and prolonged attorney fees.
The costs to litigate a divorce can easily outstrip most couples’ assets and be greater than college expenses for the family’s children. Do you want to send your children to college or your attorney’s children to college?
More Control and Flexibility
Unlike court, where a judge makes decisions, mediation allows you and your spouse to tailor an agreement that works best for your specific family dynamics and financial situation.
Mediation also puts you in control of the pace of the process. The parties control the pace rather than a court calendar, which can be agonizingly slow.
Reduced Conflict and Stress
Mediations are typically conducted in a more informal, private setting, which can reduce the stress and emotional toll often associated with courtroom proceedings.
Mediations can also be conducted virtually at times that are convenient for the parties rather than being tied to regular office hours.
Faster Resolution
By avoiding crowded court dockets and the unpredictable timelines of litigation, mediation can often lead to a resolution much more quickly.
With crowded court calendars, litigating a divorce can easily take years, compared with several mediation sessions conducted over a period of a few months.
Confidential Process
Mediation is a confidential process, meaning that discussions in mediation cannot be used in court. Additionally, transcripts are not kept for mediation sessions, allowing for free and open discussions.
This means that sensitive matters can be kept private and do not wind up in court records.
Voluntary Process
Once a couple enters mediation, either party can end the process if they do not believe it meets their needs. You are not committed to settling every issue in mediation.
It is often productive to settle as much as possible through mediation and go to court only on any remaining issues. This can significantly reduce costs for the couple by reducing the number of issues that require a judge’s decision.
When Mediation May Not Be the Right Fit
Mediation requires a certain level of cooperation and parity between spouses. It may not be appropriate in certain situations.
Significant Power Imbalances
If one spouse has historically controlled all financial decisions or intimidates the other, achieving a fair, balanced outcome in mediation can be difficult.
Difficulties can also arise when one spouse realizes that the relationship is over and the other spouse has not yet come to that realization.
High Conflict or Lack of Trust
If communication has completely broken down, or if there is a severe lack of trust, a mediator may struggle to facilitate productive negotiations.
Domestic Violence or Abuse
Safety is paramount. This extends to both physical safety and emotional safety.
Mediation is often not recommended in cases involving a history of domestic violence because the process requires open, safe, and balanced dialogue that may not be possible.
However, mediators can use virtual mediation processes and shuttle between the parties to minimize direct contact. Holding separate sessions with each party can sometimes provide the necessary emotional and physical safety while still offering the advantages of mediation over litigation.
Complex Legal or Financial Issues
While mediators can handle many complex cases, some situations require the formal legal processes of litigation to properly uncover hidden assets, determine complex valuations, or ensure that all legal rights are protected.
Considerations for Your Decision
To determine if mediation is right for your situation, consider the following questions:
- Are both you and your spouse willing to participate in good faith?
- Can you communicate with each other civilly, even if the relationship is ending?
- Are you both capable of disclosing all financial information honestly?
- Do you and your spouse place your children’s well-being above your own interests?
- Do you both desire to avoid the adversarial nature of court?
It is often recommended to consult with a family law attorney before committing to mediation. An attorney can provide guidance on whether your case has complexities that might be better handled through other methods, and they can review any proposed settlement agreement to ensure your rights are protected before you sign anything.
Take the First Step
If you are considering separation or divorce and are wondering whether mediation is right for your family, Colin Family Mediation Group can help you understand your options and determine an appropriate path forward.
Call us today or schedule a free consultation and learn more about how our services can help you.
Rick Schapira is a mediator at Colin Family Mediation Group and is an avid writer for The CFMG Blog.
